Turtle Monkey

I have Elias sleeping in the Moby for the first time since we were in Texas. Part of me wants to take him out and put him down to finish his nap, but this warm, small sleeping body pressed against me feels heavenly. I think I’ll hold onto him for a bit longer.

Wow. I was looking over entries I wrote from early November and Elias is a completely different baby. Back then, he cried and screamed whenever he was awake. Eventually we learned that he’d calm himself a bit if we carried him around and constantly moved around the apartment. (This was SO draining without the Moby!) He still wouldn’t allow you to put him down when he was awake or for naps though.

Since we started using the Moby and he’s become more interested in his surroundings, he is a much easier baby to deal with. I can put him down for 10-30 minute stretches while he watches his toys dangling above him.

We’ve fallen into a routine that’s worked well for over a week now. After he eats, I’ll hold him facing me in my lap and talk to him and bounce him. Unless he’s ridiculously tired, he’ll smile and sometimes talk back to me. Then I’ll take him into the bedroom to change his diaper and I put him under that toy my mom got him (we are SO getting some more play mats soon!) and we’ll play with that together for maybe 10 minutes or so. When he seems irritated by that, I’ll push it back so we’re just laying next to one another and we’ll talk. He’ll usually talk back to me and it’s so funny to see him seriously trying to form words. It seems difficult for him, but he looks so determined to “say” something! I think this and the smiling are my favorite parts of his new developments. Once he’s tired of talking to me (another 5-10 minutes) I’ll pop him in the Moby and do some chores while he looks quietly around. Once he starts getting fussy, I know it’s because he’s tired, so I start walking around the apartment and he’s usually asleep within minutes. Most of the time he sleeps until he’s hungry, but if he wakes up before that, I’ll just try playing with him some more or walking around some more if he still seems tired.

Normally, he only cries for a few minutes total a day. That is such a dramatic difference in how he used to behave! In part, I think it’s because he’s growing up and is a curious baby who likes playing with and studying his surroundings. I also think I’ve gotten good at responding to and predicting his needs though and that makes me proud.

We think Elias may be in the early stages of teething because he really likes gumming fingers and toys now. That’s quite early, but not unheard of. I hope teething isn’t excruciating for him or us.

It’s nearly noon and Elias is doing pretty well today. He woke up at 8am and just wanted to be sitting upright. I propped him up on my pillow, keeping a close eye on him as I made the bed, gathered his toys for the day and started the diaper laundry (my 5 extra BumGenius diapers came in the mail! Woo!)

He ate around 9am and was content after that in his swing for about 20 minutes while I did some dishes and folded the clean diapers I neglected yesterday. TMI, I know, but he seems to prefer pooping when he’s in his swing. He will keep it in if I’m carrying him around, so I just put him in the swing after his morning feeding. He usually only poops once a day.

After changing his diaper and giving him a morning sponge bath, he played with his musical gym toy for another 20 minutes or so. Then I put on my Moby, popped him in and did a few more chores and made myself something to eat. At one point he wiggled around for about a minute (he does this when he gets really tired and it usually precedes him crying for a few minutes, fighting off sleep). But then he just put his face into my chest and fell asleep. Win! I love it when we get through the morning without crying. He’s been asleep for probably about an hour and a half now and will probably be ready to eat when he wakes up. From what I can tell so far, he seems to be feeling better than yesterday. I hope this continues.

In the past few weeks since I’ve been completely off the Reglan, I feel like my milk supply has lowered dramatically. I don’t really know why I feel this way other than I no longer leak from one side at night, which had started when I started the Reglan. I’m still taking herbal supplements, but they don’t really seem to be doing any good at all. In one more attempt to try to up my supply, I’ve ordered Domperidone from a UK website (since the FDA won’t allow it to be prescribed in the US for breastfeeding purposes). People have said wonderful things about this drug, so I hope it does something. I feel so defeated about not being able to exclusively breastfeed. I hate formula. I hate bottles. I’ve gone back to using the SNS full time, but it doesn’t really make any difference supply wise.

Anyway, Elias is waking up, so we’ll start our afternoon together. I hope it goes as well as the morning did.

Today’s post will probably be quick. Elias is currently sleeping in the Moby, but I don’t know how long that will last. He slept fitfully last night, poor thing. He kept flailing his limbs, which would jolt him awake. He isn’t napping very well today either. He’s been pretty fussy so far today and yesterday evening as well. To make matters even better, I was alone last night until 10:30 and tonight Mark’s not due home until 9:30. I’d like to tell myself that maybe Elias is being extra fussy because of missing his daddy, but I think he’s probably just under the weather.

It isn’t as bad as a couple of weeks ago when he was just never awake without being fussy. We’ve played and talked together a couple of times today, but I’ve only had a few smiles. He even let me put him in the swing for about 20 minutes total today. Whenever he’s in it, he seems to be having a serious telepathic conversation with the tucan and tree frog hanging from the plastic leaf above him.

Being fed up with his razor blade nails, I decided to try to clip them with our baby nail clippers I’d tried just filing them because I didn’t trust myself to clip them. I can barely clip my own nails without nicking myself. Sure enough, I accidentally clipped some of the skin on one of his fingers. He wailed and I felt like the worst person alive. His nails do seem much less sharp, but I don’t know if I can go through that again.

Elias was an absolute angel yesterday until Mark got home. He hadn’t cried for more than 30 seconds all day and he just exploded with smiles. It’s gotten to the point where he smiles frequently and we can distract him with something he finds fascinating or hilarious for at least a minute to stave off tears.

Elias mostly just finds our faces funny. The past few mornings when he wakes up and sees my face, he smiles. After he’s done feeding, he’ll frequently look up at me and smile. He likes to be held in a sitting-up position and watching us talk. His favorite words and phrases that can almost guarantee a smile are, “I love you”, “da baby”, “Elias” and “pretty boy”. I say those to him all the time and they seem to be his favorite things to hear.

He likes talking to us a lot and will coo, grunt and moan under his breath when we’re talking to him. He seems to have short little conversations with us.

His rattles and toys will hold his attention span for a few moments, but the lamp next to the couch is the most interesting thing in the world to him. Sometimes he refuses to look at us because his gaze is caught on the lamp.

He doesn’t get fussy for long periods of time anymore and in the past couple days I’ve found I can sometimes put him in his bouncy seat or swing for up to 20 minutes at a time before he starts getting upset. I was actually able to take a shower on Thursday with him in the bouncy seat! He’s also starting to fall asleep in the Moby without me needing to walk a half a mile in the apartment first and without getting fussy for minutes on end. If he’s tired in the Moby, many times he’ll just fall asleep, though he still frequently cries. He only cries for a minute or two though before he settles down and falls asleep.

I hope all this means he’s getting more secure and doesn’t feel like he needs to be attached to me every moment of every day in order to be safe. When Mark gets home in the evening, I’ll often make an excuse to get out of the apartment for 30-45 minutes. I usually go to the store (the cashiers are all getting pissed at me for not bringing the baby in) or just for a drive. Elias usually isn’t very happy being left alone with Mark though and cries half the time I’m gone. I’m not sure why this is because he does fairly well when he’s left alone with my mom. Of course, Mark hasn’t been alone with Elias for more than an hour at a time, if that. I wish I knew why taking care of babies was so much more baffling to men than women.